December 13th

Another depressing post, I'm afraid. GAAAH.

I hate winter. It is the most awful time of year. Sure, you can get all cosy by the fire, wrap up real warm, have snowball fights during the day, provided it snows. But the endless darkness...it's horrible. Getting up in the dark, going to school in the dark, coming home in the dark. It really does take its toll on a person. And for me, as a person who needs sunlight, it's devastating.

Sunlight provides life. Without the sun, there would be nothing. Just sit, and imagine a world without the sun. Imagine it, just for a moment. Imagine getting up, going to school, going to work, wherever you go during the day, doing whatever you do, coming home. All in the dark. No sunlight. Only artificial light and the occasional candle. Just imagine what it would do to you.

It's funny. I never sleep well in winter. I always wake up too early, or not early enough. I also find I need more sleep in winter. Why? I don't know. My self esteem plummets. I become apathetic and just generally irritable.

And then, April/May time...poof. All gone. Back to my normal, chirpy self. When the trees begin to flower, I start to feel happy again.

Funny how the seasons can affect your mood. Funny how the sun can control your whole life.

I think this sums up my mood entirely, at least for winter as a whole. Complete isolation, with no clear way to turn. Taking a wild stab in the dark because you can't see two feet in front of you. Which is silly. I don't make many friends, by choice as much as anything else, but the friends I do make I become very attached to and would do anything for, and I'm sure they'd do the same for me. What a lot of people don't understand is there's a difference to what a person has and what a person believes they have.

That's not to say I don't believe I have friends. I do. I have some wonderful friends, friends I can trust, friends I can talk to, friends I can rely on. But when I get home, I live so far away from them and it's so dark...it just doesn't feel like it sometimes.

Oh, I take back everything I said about my English teacher. She's alright.

Let's pray for a better day tomorrow. I don't even believe in God.